Scanning Around With Gene: Rest in Peace

I’ve never been much for visiting cemeteries, at least not to view the graves of people I’ve known or loved. I don’t really have a good excuse for this — it’s probably just a selfish way to avoid emotions and issues that I prefer to repress.
But a recent visit to my hometown happened to coincide with the anniversaries of my father’s and sister’s deaths, which happened one day apart, though in different years. So my other sister and my mother convinced me to go along on their annual pilgrimage to the Holy Cross Cemetery where both my sister and father are buried.
All of the images today are from advertisements for monument companies that appeared in The National Geographic from 1937 to 1966. The one exception is the first image, which is from the 1908 Sears catalog. Click on any image for a larger version.

At the Catholic cemetery where my family members are buried, the gravestones are almost all flush with the ground, not of the “monument” variety pictured in these ads. I don’t know if that’s a Catholic thing or a reflection of the times — clearly the older cemeteries are more inclined toward true monuments instead of simple grave markers.

I suspect the flat-style grave markers are purely a practical consideration to make mowing the lawn easier. At this particular cemetery all the flowers are picked up and disposed of on Thursday, so it’s best not to come on Wednesday, at least not with a fresh arrangement.

All those flat tombstones make it difficult to find the right one, but my sister knew where to go. The trash receptacles at Holy Cross cemetery are disguised as hollowed-out tree trunks, which keeps everything looking dignified.

I suppose it’s a little tricky advertising for tombstones. I haven’t seen any recent examples, certainly not complete with celebrity endorsements like this one from 1966 featuring Normal Rockwell.

And I think this ad, which juxtaposes your wedding day with that of your death, is a little depressing.

I like the simple dignity of this cross, and the logo design for the Monument Institute of America is a fitting one.

I did find myself pretty emotional on seeing my father’s and sister’s graves, especially my sister’s because she died at a young age. I hadn’t visited her grave in 35 years, so it brought back a lot of memories.
I’ve decided to be cremated. Despite the sentiments expressed in all these ads, I just can’t imagine leaving a monument to myself.

Anonymous says:

October 16, 2009 at 4:38 pm

One of the ads you scanned, Gene, was for Barre Granite. The town of Barre, VT, has a cemetery that is a testament to the skill of its stonecarvers. There one can see a headstone carved in the shape of an easy chair, a headboard with a loving couple gazing at each other while their bodies rest below, an airplane sailing through the clouds, and other amazing representations of the stonecarvers’ craft. It’s an amazing place to visit if you ever get the chance.

October 16, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Stones have been mandated flat in our cemetery for a many, many years due to increased cost of maintenance. Easier to rider mow over everything than to hand cut weeds around each stone….purely a $ thing…has nothing to do with values other than that.

October 16, 2009 at 7:54 pm

I’m sorry for your loss Gene. I’m glad you took the time to go back and visit the past. Your a better person for doing it IMHO.

The Sears catalog looks like it says “We Pay Freight”. I can’t imagine buying one of these at Amazon.com now (the modern Sears catalog) and qualifying for free shipping. :-)

My wife worked in the funeral industry for a few years. The flat markers are usually sign of people not having a great deal of money for a marker. Granite isn’t as cheap as it used to be. That being said most people don’t realize that modern funeral expenses are negotiable. Many people are not in that state of mind when dealing with the passing of a loved one. And the funeral homes clean up on that stuff. Even the markup on vessels for cremated loved ones is amazing. Do yourself a favor and make you arrangements in advance and negotiate before it’s an emotional decision.

October 16, 2009 at 8:50 pm

As you were able to realize, the stone is not for you but rather everyone else. For some, its the open gateway to reflection on memories and yet to others its a finality. It’s one of those things that means something different to everyone while simultaneously meaning the same: whatever the connection, it now can only be experienced looking backwards. And to your title, no size of the stone is in no way a character indicator. If it were, my moms would have touched the stars…

October 19, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Gene – We have such a different view of it all here. Burials in New Orleans used to be above ground because the water table is so high, and even now the custom continues. There are cemeteries all around town, tucked away here and there – there is even one across the street from the world-famous Commander’s Palace restaurant. “In the midst of life we are in death” – and that doesn’t stop us from having that next martini at Commander’s or jumping for beads at the parades. But then we play jazz music at funerals too — guess we’re off the chart as far as the whole death thing goes.
I agree with you about cremation. In fact I’ve bored my kids to death (no pun intended) with all the places I want to be scattered. “Jeez, mom, make a list and write it down, already!”
I would like one small amount scattered next to a tomb I can see from the upper floors of the university where I work. Five generations of family members rest there, it’s near City Park, mere yards away from the Fairgrounds where Jazzfest is held, and a block away from my first apartment. Nice. But water, wind, and time are erasing the genealogy carved into blue Georgia marble on the front of it. I guess the Rock of Ages people use tougher stuff. – Kathy

October 20, 2009 at 8:08 pm

I agree about cremation, but as you discovered with your mom & sister, cemetery markers are for the living – those left behind when you die. If you really don’t want one, you might want to come up with another “marker” that your friends & relatives can use to gather around to remember you.

October 20, 2009 at 8:09 pm

…for a wonderful column Gene. I really do enjoy reading them week after week.

October 21, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Note that the lettering on the two bottom illustrations fails to get the perspective of the inscriptions anywhere near right.

October 21, 2009 at 3:08 pm

I’m not being facetious here, but are there any forms of commemoration on the web intended to directly substitute or augment traditional graves or monuments? There must be…but I haven’t noticed any yet.

October 21, 2009 at 7:41 pm

Cemeteries would have a far better use as parks or natural landscapes, rather than acres of neglected and forgotten stone tributes. Cremate and scatter, and be green.

Honor your family while they live instead of celebrating your guilt when they’re gone.

May 14, 2010 at 7:56 am

I agree with you about cremation. In fact I’ve bored my kids to death (no pun intended) with all the places I want to be scattered. “Jeez, mom, make a list and write it down, already!”
I would like one small amount scattered next to a tomb I can see from the upper floors of the university where I work. Five generations of family members rest there, it’s near City Park, mere yards away from the Fairgrounds where Jazzfest is held, and a block away from my first apartment. Nice. But water, wind, and time are erasing the genealogy carved into blue Georgia marble on the front of it.
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